How To Make Friends In Post-Grad Life

Making friends in post-grad is so hard. I am not going to sugarcoat it. Once you leave college, you are thrown out of the comfortability bubble you have been in for the last 20 or more years. Sometimes, you won’t have anyone from your past around.

Let’s break it down. After you leave college, then what? Are you moving home, staying in your college city, or completely starting over somewhere new? No matter what option you pick, you will want to be making new friends. Even if you were to go back to your hometown and hang out with high school friends, there will be times that you wish you had others to be around. We all long for a fresh start from time to time. If you are staying in your college town, the same rule applies. You love your current friends but always want to venture out and meet new people. Then if you are moving to a new place, you need to have some human interaction, even if you are an introvert.

Friends are a key piece of life no matter where you end up or where you go. I am not saying you need to have 100+ people that you hang out with consistently, but finding a tight group of individuals that align with who you are, what you stand for, and are wanting to do the same things with you helps make the crazy life transition in post-grad easier. You are all on the same playing field, why not help each other out?

Now one big complaint I hear all the time is “I cannot make friends without alcohol being involved.” This is a bold-faced lie. Post-grad friends can literally come from ANYWHERE. I am going to share some ways you can meet people after college that do not involve substances.

Sports, Activities, and Hobbies

We all have something we are passionate about doing in our free time. In post-grad life, we must make time for the things that truly bring us joy and stress relief. Life is not all about waking up, going to work, coming home, and going to bed. This vicious cycle will be the death of your creativity and happiness. Make time and room for joyful activities in your life. The best way to do them is with others!

No matter what you are into, sports, activities, and hobbies, find a local group that is doing the same thing. You can research “Flag football groups (your area)” and you would be amazed at how many groups are out there. There are so many leagues, hobby groups, and events happening that you would enjoy. Google is a powerful tool, especially in post-grad life, so be sure to put it to use by researching what you are interested in and how to get involved. You can even use apps like MeetUp to help narrow your search a bit.

That is the first step of getting yourself involved. Now you actually have to GO. Yes, you can make every excuse in the world to not go, but first of all, for some of the things, you might have paid for it. So don’t let your money go to waste. Also, you are not the only new person, I can guarantee it. Everyone starts somewhere and when it is an activity that you all have in common, it is much easier to bond with people. Make small talk, introduce yourself, and get to know others. Will you be best friends right away? No, but you can work up to that point.

I understand doing things on your own is very very scary. It is forcing you way out of your comfort zone and the feeling of being the new kid in school rushes through your mind. However, putting yourself out there can only do good. Let’s say you go to the activity and you don’t connect with anyone. Okay, find a new one. No harm no foul. You got to do something you liked and figured out that was not it. Trial and error is a large part of finding friends in post-grad. Keep finding things to do until you find your people or place. I promise your efforts will be worth it.

Local Events

Before moving to a brand new city, I had no idea how many FREE events there are all the time. There is constantly something going on all around us, we just don’t know. Scour the internet for free events in your area and go. Actually, go on your own. Once again, I know it is scary to be at an event with lots of people by yourself, but there will be others there too. When you get there, gather yourself, take a deep breath, say a positive affirmation, and walk in with your head held high and a large grin on your face. You will be more approachable and show others that you are content with yourself and potentially open to conversation. Walk around, observe your surroundings, and if you catch yourself standing or sitting next to someone for a long period of time, make small talk. Nothing bad can come from it. The worst that could happen is they ignore you. That’s fine, you wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like that anyways. Move on to someone else.

When I was out on my own, I made the bold decision to go to a concert by myself. Even worse, I knew my ex would be there. I was so nervous I was shaking walking up to the venue. But I kept thinking, I deserve to be here just as much as anyone else. If I want to listen to music and dance the dust off my boots, then I am going to! I slowly walked my way to the bar, grabbed a beer to take the edge off (not required of course), and stood in a position where I could see the whole stage and dance floor. Not long after that, a group of girls found me on my own and came up to talk to me. We laughed and shared and danced all night on the dance floor. Did I speak to them after? No, but for the night, they were the people I didn’t know I needed. I had SO much fun with them and they were so nice! If you want to do something, you should do it, no matter if you are with people or not. You will meet great people once you put your guard down and allow others to seek you out. People come into your life for a reason, and that reason might just surprise you.

Religious Groups

I am guilty of falling off my religion while in college. It just happens sometimes. Even in post-grad life, there is a chance you might go through phases of going to church consistently and then not for a while. It is how it goes. However, if you want it to be more consistent in your life and want to meet like-minded people, look for church groups. If you are not fond of your church for whatever reason, find a different one that offers young adult or post-grad 20s groups. There are so many there that are offered but not widely known about. Not only can you connect with people in your area, but you can also reconnect with your faith and begin a new spiritual journey. Even if you are thinking about joining, just try it out! No one is asking you to sign a contract. Go and see if it is a good fit. If not, okay at least you tried. Maybe you met someone that also thought it was not a great fit for them! Who knows. The only way to find out is to try it!

Work

Work besties!! Now there is a lot to connect with people when it comes to work. I would be cautious with this one as sometimes you must be careful with who you hang out with and what you say. Set some boundaries and ease into friendships outside of work. However, if you see that you have constant conversations about other aspects of life besides work, and can relate, it might be the start of a new friendship. Start by doing lunch together, or meeting a few times a week just to catch up and chat.

With a large portion of the workforce being remote, some might feel isolated from creating connections in post-grad working life. Set up time at the end of the day to talk with someone, and get to know one another. If there is someone you think would be a good person to hand out, make a conscious effort to get to know them and see if they return the conversation. If so, great you know how to take it from here. If not, then you know they just are not right the fit for you. No harm no foul.

I met some of my best friends post-grad from work and I am fully remote. We found that we have common interests, are close in age, and have a lot of fun together. Plus, having someone in your corner when work is not particularly making you the happiest is nice. I will give one piece of advice though. If you find someone to connect with, do not constantly complain about work or vent to them. It is a turnoff and can really spread negativity energy about the working environment and then you as well. Of course vent session is always needed from time to time, just not daily. Be a light instead of a darkness to someone and hopefully, they will be the same way.

Solo Travel

I know this idea is extreme but it does work. When you travel on your own, you meet so many people. You are able to connect faster because you are already out of your comfort zone with your walls down. You will meet incredible people that have inspiring stories and amazing views of the world.

The best way as always is to make conversation. When you are sitting on the airplane, checking into your hotel, eating alone at a restaurant, or doing an organized tour, strike up a conversation to see if you can get to know the people around you. Solo traveling is intimidating but the memories are worth it. Post-grad is all about seeing the world, experiencing new sites, smells, and feelings, and doing what YOU truly want. Seek to find more of the world and the best way to do so is traveling. There is an awesome app called Knackel that allows you to enter all the flights you are taking, post images from the vacations, and see who else is on your flight. You can see where they are from, and any other things they put on their profile. You can message before, during, or after your flight. This might be a good person to sit next to or even, plan to hang out during or after the trip. Take advantage of resources like this to help find great people all around the world.

Apps

My last resort really. Personally, my thumbs are probably starting to develop arthritis from all the swiping I have done over the years. Between dating apps, social media, researching, and more, swiping for a friend just wasn’t my cup of tea, but that doesn't mean it can’t be yours. I know plenty of people who have met some of their best friends on BumbleBFF or other apps. I will recommend if you are going to spend so much time finding people to connect with, make sure they are quality people. Don’t waste time on people that are just mediocre. Find what you are looking for and if the results aren’t there, resort to a different way. Also, make the intent to actually meet people. A lot of the time, people will begin swiping but when it comes down to talking or meeting others, they go cold. Have the courage to meet someone in a public place for at least the first few times of hanging out and go from there.

Facebook has plenty of social groups where you can meet friends as well. Search groups for “women only” or “young 20’s group” or even research a hobby that you enjoy. Facebook has a lot of community to offer so take a look there as well.

As always, safety first. If you get a gut feeling that something is off about someone, trust it. Your instinct is your most reliable source. If you find that someone isn’t who they said they were, break it off. There is no harm in that. There should be no place in your life for toxic people. Post-grad is about building a life with amazing people around you. Don’t let anyone take that away from you or dull your sparkle. Find people that support you and uplift you. It is a bit harder, but when you find them, they make your world a little bit better.

Finding friends in post-grad can be hard. However, What College Didn’t Teach Me covers all the ways you can meet people and experience life with others. Find more ways to make friends in post-grad in the book!

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